With our Cliche's combined, we are!
by GenocidalLove
Summary: Bwahaha Vampire Ed, Elcrest, ChimeraEd, FemEd, OC's, Gay Smexxx, And a beautiful ending to boot! I've taken all the cliche's i love and made fun of them to the very point of comic diahhrea :3 ENJOIS!


Okay, so before any of you comment, this story was written by none other than my BESTEST friend evar, ladies and gentlemen;

Mister Chris thompson!

Chris: Thank you, thank you!

Me: Haha xD you're so bigoted! But it's okay because your semi comical

Chris: plus i'm sexxi

Me: Oh, yes yes, you're very very sexxi :]

Chris: (giggles)

Me: Alright! Proceed, my lovely young friend!

* * *

It was a dark and stormy night...

Okay, no, it was actually a very bright morning. The sun was almost TOO shiny, but hey!

Ed turned to Al all limp and comically tired.

"Are we there yetttt?"

"No brother." He said motherly. Even though it would make much more sense for Al to sigh and beat the shit out of his brother, or atleast nag his head off, he was all polite. "We still have 20 blocks to go!" He said merrily.

"Couldn't we just do one of those magical time jump thingies?"

"O gosh! Your right, brother!" And so they skipped merrily away, into a timejump.

* * *

"Hello Mustang."

The two brothers had appeared in the office in less than five seconds, smiling like a retarded... no, nevermind, they were just smiling like retards. (Even though Al's a suit of armor, i say he's smiling :]) Mustang looked up all bored and cool-like, sighing.

"Yes, well i have this really dangerous misson here that would usually be assigned to atleast a luitenant or a more experianced alchemist, but i'm giving it to you because the author has chosen to make this extremely complicated..."

Ed slammed his hands on the desk, getting awkwardly close to Mustang, yelling super duper loud-like. "THE AUTHOR IS STUPID! WE DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO HIM! RIGHT GUYS!"

Everyone just kind of stared at him, smiling boredly. The author chose that moment to walk into the office.

"Oh... er... hey, Chris..." Ed tugged at his collar nervously.

"Hey, Ed! So, because you think I'm useless and stuff, i deem you a woman... with like

erm

breasts and stuff..."

And just like that, Ed was a really sexxi woman with huge knockers and a shapely ass! Chris skipped out, really happy, and continued home to get on his computer and continue the story.

Everyone oggled at Ed, and started hitting on him even though he'd been a guy like... less than five seconds ago. Mustang went up to her all OC like and took her hand.

"Edward, I've decided I'm madly in love with you! Marry me!"

Ed eeped and ran away, his giant boobage bouncing up and down... alot. He and Al went straight to the mission location and went inside, not really bothering to check for dangerous shit, or things that coudl be, like... fatal. Why? Because that's how Ed Elric rolls.

Ed snuck around all ninja like, action music playing really loudly in the background. He was doing pretty good until this one guy came, and somehow spotted him.

"Oh-GOSH! INTRUUUDERRRZZ!" The mad snarled like some wild animal thing and lunged at the two. Even though Ed's skilled in combat and shit, the man took him down easily while Al just kind of...

"Erm.. don't like... do that?"

"Go away!"

"EEP! Yes sir!"

And Al ran away like a girl...

Meanwhile, back at the office...

"Okay, so everyone! Even though Ed just left and we shouldn't be expecting him for days, i think you should ALLL go look for him. I on the other hand shall sit and brood about how my life sucks and i wish Ed was here!"

The office just kind of stared at him...

"Go!"

And go they did...?

Back in teh scary lair place...

Ed woke up in a rusty cage that looked like it was from SAW. She found that she had super hearing and this thing was moving behind her. She 'eeped' and attacked it, but it turned out to be her realistically perfect cat tail, so she shrugged it off.

So, she sat there and thought about how she was now part cat, and wondered if her costume shoudl include a cape...

Al ran like a retard, flailing and shreiking, all teh way to Mustang's office. He burst in,, only to find the colonel... or genreal... or brigadier general... or whatever, called up under the desk weeping madly.

"GASP! MUSTANG! Ed's been uhmm Kidanapped! We MUST SAVE HIM!"

Mustang leapt up heroically, somehow forgetting the fact that he had just been wallowing in angst.

"Off to save HER!

And they rushed out of the room and did one of those magicall time jump things.

* * *

Ed was brooding in his rusty little cage (seriously you'd think these ppl would keep the shit containing their experiments more steril) When his brother and Mustang appeared suddenly. It had somehow been five days and Ed was starving like a... uhm... starving child.

"Roy! Al!" She cried abit melodramatically.

The two then noticed the cat appendages and gasped rather loudly. "YUR A KIMARA!"

"Chimera..."

"CHIMERA! OH NOES!"

Ed sighed. "Even though this could kill me and shit, i expect you to not treat me any differently!"

"Okay :D"

Thus, they unlocked her cage with some magic skeloton key they they just happened to find and skipped off back to their own lives. This is the part where another tremendously big time jump comes in...

* * *

It had already been, like, hehe five years, and Ed was JUST getting used to his kitty-ness.

"Roy! Come ovah hur and feed teh babehs!"

Yes yes, him and Ed had children, because Ed somehow magically had them, even though now he was a guy again with little explanation as to why exactly.

"I just DECIDED!"

"Enough, Chris!"

Chris scampered off back to Lala land with his friends and they spent months trying to figure out what happens next in their story, and then wrote it.

Roy sauntered in with eight other babies and was all.

"I have something to tell you, Ed..."

"Yes, dear?"

"So, er... this whole thing with the babies and stuff, i suddenly hate it and wish to die. So i'm just gunnuh like.. leave."

"NOOO!" Ed fell to his knees, dropping his babies and probably giving them brain damage.

"It's not you... it's me."

Ed cried hysterically and ran all weirdly after him, forgetting the 12(?) babies that he left in the overheated house, with the stove on, and the knives on the floor... and the cyanide he put in their sippycups (:D)

"ROOOOYY! COME BACK!"

"Nuu!"

..."Okay :D"

So Ed just got over it and left to travel, and forgot ALL about his babies.

When suddenly, a ninja jumped out and bit Ed on the neck, whilst Ed screamed like a girl.

"AAHHHHEEEEPPPPPERS! NUUUUU!"

"MWAHAHAHAH! No you are a VAMPIRE!"

Then he was all... misty and shit... and faded away into the sunset.

"..."

Weird.

* * *

Ed time jumped to Roy's office, stepping out of the shadows dramatically.

"Roy..."

The man looked up and gasped, squeeling like a sissy girly man.

"EEEP! Ed, you're so sexxi!"

"That's becauase I'm a vampire, silly goose :]"

Then they did it.

Right there...

Because Ed was just THAT sexxi, and Vampires get everything...

Even their friends' virginity...

Yep.

Rick Roll'd.

* * *

Turns out, Roy was very dissapointing and had a very minute... Package.

"That was terrible..."

"Sorry..."

Ed sifted out all dramataically, leaving Roy to brood some more.

He appeared in his dorm, where his brother was waiting... with his BODEH!

"ZOMG! ALPHONSE! YOU LIEK TOTALLY HAVE YUR BODY BAKK!"

"Yep! :D"

And then they did it...

Right there...

Because who CAN resits Al?

And even though they're brothers and It's kind of nasty, it was okay because the author SAID IT WAS OKAY!

And there was foreplay...

with chains...

Bow chika bow wow ;D

* * *

Then the world ended but everything was okay because Chris has a fucked up mind, and this OC guy killed everyone, but they were still together in death... soo...

uhm

yes, well...

Goodbye. :D


End file.
